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How to effectively resolve deep-seated anger

Mad Mom Makeover series

Join the Mad Mom Makeover series and MTO to receive valuable tips on becoming the mom God would have you to be!The Mad Mom Makeover series features eight special guest bloggers writing on the topic of “mom anger” and how to cope with those “blow it” moments!

These dear moms offer words of encouragement, support, and wonderful tips for when that old temper flares!  This will be a valuable resource, so be sure to stay tuned each week – and if you’re not on our email list, you may sign up here to make sure you don’t miss a single post!

Today’s post features my wise friend Melanie from, a mom of one girl and one boy, both in college; she is in the same phase of life as me! Mel has a powerful ministry with women of all ages, including myself.

Welcome, Melanie!

*This post may contain affiliate links.   You may view my policies here.

Sometimes anger can take hold in our lives, and we don't even realize it. Discover how to practically let go of deep-seated anger and bitterness from the inside out.

It was the craziest thing.


I hadn’t really even noticed it before… until that morning at church.

It was actually something my husband observed.

Every time a certain man’s name was mentioned, I would make a face. He was a long-time friend, fellow church member, and a really nice guy.

However, we’d had an encounter over 20 years prior in which he had been very unkind to me. Although I hadn’t realized it, I’d held onto a grudge against this man.

I was angry at him, and I didn’t even know it.

For 20 years, I’d allowed a root of bitterness to grow in my heart toward this man.

Quietly, I’d been seething with anger.

And, on that Sunday morning, my facial expressions gave it all away.

My husband simply asked, “Did you know that your face gets contorted and angry-looking each time someone mentions his name?”

(I honestly had no idea.)

But, now that the “cat” was out of the bag, I had to acknowledge my anger and complete dislike for this man.

It had been stuffed down really deep, but now it was showing all over my face. And, I had to own up to it and begin to let it go!

The Bible never tells us that anger is a sin, but we are encouraged to be angry without sin.


Ephesians 4:26 states it this way,

“If you are angry, do not let it become sin. Get over your anger before the day is finished.”


It seems that initial anger is not the sin; it’s a normal reaction, a regular emotion.


When we let our anger and our hurt stick around for more than one day – it starts to cause other problems.

It starts to produce other issues.


Sometimes anger can take hold in our lives, and we don't even realize it. Discover how to practically let go of deep-seated anger and bitterness from the inside out.


In a matter of a few days, weeks or months, anger can take over our lives and start producing ugly side effects.

So, why not be free from that anger?


Why not allow God to drain that anger in our lives?

Christian author and teacher Gary Smalley shared the most practical advice for unloading unresolved anger in his book Making Love Last Forever.

I have used this advice many times and found it to be so helpful. I hope you will as well.



How to effectively resolve deep-seated anger Mad Mom Makeover series @MelanieRedd Click To Tweet



Here are Dr. Smalley’s steps to unloading unresolved anger:

1) Define the real offense.

What’s got you so mad? (Be specific and honest).

2) Allow yourself to grieve.

Admit the hurt that you really feel. Cry it out. Write it out. Exercise it out. Let yourself feel the hurt and grieve over it.

3) Try to understand your offender.

Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand why they might have done this thing. Try to see things from their perspective in order to better understand their hurts and life situation.

4) Release your offender.

Give them to God and let them go. Quit holding them responsible for your happiness or lack of it.

5) Look for pearls in the offense.

What good can come from this? How might God use this hurt in your life? What can you learn from this? This is not easy, but you can find the silver lining in these clouds.

6) Put your feelings in writing.

Write them a letter that you will never mail. Write them an email that you will not send. Journal about how this made you feel. This act of writing out your feelings will let some of the anger out.

7) Reach out to your offender.

Do something kind and loving for this person who has hurt you. You may not be able to do this right away, but you could start by praying for this person.

One other suggestion that Dr. Smalley makes in his book is to pray and ask God to “drain” your anger.

If you can’t seem to let it go, ask God to act like a spiritual plumber.

Invite Him to bring His spiritual roto-rooter into your heart and pull out the clogs of anger that are stealing the flow of joy in your life.


Ask God to be your spiritual plumber and drain your anger Mad Mom Makeover series @MelanieRedd Click To Tweet



Looking back to the Word once more, consider Ephesians 4:26 from The Message:

“Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—

but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge.

And don’t stay angry.

Don’t go to bed angry.

Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.”

Sometimes anger can take hold in our lives, and we don't even realize it. Discover how to practically let go of deep-seated anger and bitterness from the inside out.


Maybe the greatest reason to deal with anger is so that we will not give Satan a foothold in our lives.

Anger will get a hold in our lives and produce some really ugly “fruit.”

I know.

I held onto mine for over 20 years.

That was 20 years too long!


So, what do you think?

~ Are you a “stuffer” like me?

~ How do you deal with your anger?

~ Is there anyone you need to forgive and release today?

I always enjoy hearing from you!

*Making Love Last Forever is available online and at most fine bookstores. The only excerpts from the book are the numbered steps 1-7 to releasing anger. All other words, concepts, and ideas are paraphrases and/or my own ideas.


Melanie Redd’s Bio:

DSC_0597Blogger, author, speaker, encourager and teacher, Melanie’s passion is to offer HOPE! Married to Randy for 25 years; the couple enjoys travel, eating out, and hanging out with their two college-aged kids. You can read more from Melanie on her blog at



Connect with her here:






Come join us at MTO!

Click on the link to join MTO (Mom Time Out), a closed facebook group for when you blow it!

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MTO is a closed Facebook group for moms in the trenches, tired of reacting to daily conflicts or annoyances in family dynamics with anger or frustration.

At MTO you will find a place to share your story and interact with others who have been there too.

You will find support, encouragement, Scripture Pillars, Goals, and a plan of action for attacking those feelings of overwhelm and frustration.

Click the picture or any of the orange links to>>> join MTO today!

We’re waiting for you, mom!




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  • Reply
    March 10, 2016 at 11:09 am

    I have the opposite problem from stuffing my anger. I often say the first thing that comes to my mind- and that gets me in a lot of trouble. I love how practical those steps are that you shared from Gary Smalley. “Allow yourself to grieve” is one that I haven’t heard too often. I think that’s important. Great post, Melanie!

    • Reply
      March 10, 2016 at 12:36 pm

      Thanks, Dawn! I wish I was an exploder sometimes. It’s hard to be a stuffer! And, it is so important to allow ourselves to grieve!
      Sure do appreciate you!

  • Reply
    March 10, 2016 at 12:35 pm

    Thanks, Ruthie, for allowing me to join you today during this series about anger!
    I think it’s a great topic to cover, and I believe many people will be encouraged.
    You are a blessing to my life, and I’m glad to have this chance to partner with you in ministry!

    • Reply
      March 10, 2016 at 12:47 pm

      Melanie I’m so blessed to have you in my life and so are the many other recipients of your ministry! I know your message resonates with so many moms who deal with anger and frustration. Also, I’ve listened to a few of your little podcasts and they are fantastic! You are doing great things for the Lord, thanks for allowing Him to use you in my life! 🙂

      • Reply
        March 10, 2016 at 8:52 pm

        Thank you, Ruthie!
        I’m blessed to have you in my life as well!
        I pray that God will use you and this series to bless, impact, and encourage many!
        And, thank you for the kind words about the podcasts! Appreciate you~

  • Reply
    March 10, 2016 at 2:52 pm

    How many of us hold onto the very thing you wrote about…for years. Until one day, like butterflies, we release those anger issues into the hands of the one who can take it all away! Love how you shared your heart here Melanie and your honesty. Thanks for being “real.”

    • Reply
      March 10, 2016 at 8:54 pm

      Hey Michelle,
      It’s crazy, isn’t it, how easy it is to hold on to things!
      Appreciate your kind words! You have encouraged me!

  • Reply
    March 11, 2016 at 11:01 am

    Melanie, I think for me, talking to God and journaling is my best remedy. We’ve all been where you are. Unbeknownst to us, anger we have developed years ago bottles up inside of us until we do something about it! Thankful that we can come to God with all our issues. Happy to have found you today at #FaithFilledFriday.

  • Reply
    March 11, 2016 at 3:48 pm

    Thanks, for sharing Melanie with us, Ruthie. 🙂
    Melanie, I think I can go from one extreme to the next. Blurting out the hurt, but after realising that’s not the best way, I stuff my pain the next time. Neither way is wise and I’m slowly learning to find a godly balance. The tips you’ve shared will be helpful.
    Wishing you both blessings!
    Marva | sunSPARKLEshine

  • Reply
    October 7, 2016 at 6:41 am

    This is good advice. I naturally am an imploder so I keep the majority of pretty much everything inside. If it does leak out, it isn’t pretty and I’m left feeling ashamed, frustrated, and devastated with myself on how I acted. I don’t want to act angry, but I have realized there is a lot I’m angry over. Hence, I have a lot of praying and writing to do lol. Thanks for the post!

    • Reply
      October 15, 2016 at 12:51 pm

      I hear you with that! I’m the same way. And yes, praying, also praying Scripture, and journaling. And having an accountability partner is important. We quiet types and pleasers have a tendency to keep things bottled up and then finally explode!

      Thanks for reading, I hope you were able to come away with something practical!

  • Reply
    March 27, 2017 at 8:12 am

    I have been hurt by people at different times and like you, I didn’t realize how angry I was until the Lord showed me. I find though that forgiveness is important, sometimes I have to forgive them serveral times as it pops back into my mind the pain. As time goes and as I start praying for them and ask Jesus to change my heart and mind it becomes easier and I am able to let go of the saddness or pain.

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    © Ruthie Gray and Rear.Release.Regroup, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ruthie Gray and Rear.Release.Regroup. with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.