How to raise your children to obedience; 4 trusted tactics for moms to use for gaining control and building relationships with your children.

How to raise your children to obedience; 4 trusted tactics

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The two-year old collapsed in near hysteria, begging to hold mommy’s fudge sickle, and {gasp} – mommy said no.


“No, honey.  Mama’s got to hold it, but you can have a bite.”

He flung himself on the sofa, spouting tears, his little cheeks red in consternation,  “PWEEEEAAAAASSSSEEEEE!!!”

Wouldn’t it just be easier to let him have his way?

Is it so bad to give in after saying no?  After all, compromise is the stuff relationships are built on, right?

Let’s explore the subject of how to raise your children to obedience, shall we?


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How to raise your children to obedience; 4 trusted tactics for moms to use for gaining control and building relationships with your children.

1.  Say “yes” as often as possible

I once heard Doctor James Dobson of Focus on the Family say that because we invariably must say no to so many things, as often as is in our power, we need to say yes.

This means:

>>Nix the automatic “no”.

If that is your practice, and you realize later the request was legitimate and change your mind, your kid will often not believe your “no”.  Consider the request first (without letting them beg incessantly).


>>Accept the fact that you must give of yourself

Saying yes often means we have to monitor the situation, drive the kid somewhere, or push them in a swing for what seems like an hour (which in reality is only 15 minutes).

Guess what – you are that child’s parent, which means you are teaching them important lessons like how to be a servant.  It’s ok to serve our children.  In fact, we are called to that the moment we put on the parenting hat.

Take the time to say yes and invest your time.  When the kids are grown and gone, they will remember times of discipline, but they will also remember that you said yes.

And your yes is equally as important as your no.


When teaching children to obey, your yes is just as important as your no. Click To Tweet



2.  Build a solid relationship


Talk to your children on their level.  Include them in family conversations.  And listen, listen, and listen some more.  Don’t interrupt when they tell you something you don’t want to hear.  Hear them out first; correct later.



If you don’t laugh with your kids (and at them), you are missing out, and so are they.  Strong bonds are built through shared giggles over knock-knock jokes and dinner-time stories.  I know, because that’s how I was raised.

And that’s how I raised my kids.



Once you’ve disciplined, let it go.  Go on about your business as if nothing happened, and don’t hang it over her head.

Remember how awful it feels when you’ve blown it? And how wonderful the feeling upon receiving forgiveness? Your child needs that.  Hug them, love them, and forgive them.



3.  Just say no

In order to instill obedience in a child, it’s necessary to say no.  And not just for your sanity, but also for their safety.

>>Look him in the eye with a serious look on your face.

>Firmly say no, and don’t leave room for doubt (cracking smiles, wavering, or not answering).

>Stick to your guns (if you say no, carry through, even though they may throw a gymnastics fit on you)

>Don’t let them plead over and over again (this begins young – be patient, but as they age, don’t go down that road or they’ll wear you out).

>>Be consistent by all means.  If the rule is no, follow through!  Don’t confuse your children – that will do more harm than good.  Consistency takes effort, but the rewards definitely pay off!


If your kids don’t learn to obey your voice – the person they can see – then how will they learn to obey their heavenly Father – whom they cannot see?  ~Chip Ingram, How to develop your child’s full potential


Teach your children that you mean it when you say no.  And use the teaching style that relates to their age.

Teaching your child to obey could even save his life someday.  In the above link, Chip Ingram cites a story concerning his child who didn’t listen because Chip wasn’t teaching him to obey.  His child ran ahead and was almost hit by a car.  He realized that very day how important it is to raise his child to obedience.

Your number one priority as a parent is to teach your child to obey. Mom:  take this job seriously!



4.  Don’t be the BFF

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Sorry, not sorry.

My own kid (that strong-willed “swiller”) actually thanked me last summer over a family bonfire for not being her BFF during the teen years.  For saying “no” and following through.

If you’re afraid your kid won’t love you because you say no you’ve got self-esteem problems.  This whole parenting thing is not about you – it’s about developing good character in your kid.

Yes, it will be hard, and yes, it will be rocky sometimes.

You’re not trying to win friends, you’re trying to grow mature, godly, confident adults.



And about that fudgesickle

The two-year-old (lovingly called, The Tiny Tornado), did not get his way that day.

He cried many crocodile tears and wallered the floor in great botheration.

Someone had the genius idea to distract him with play doh, thus cutting the episode short by milliseconds.

Tiny Tornado did not get his way.

But he still knows he’s loved – and safe with boundaries.


Raise your children to obedience through 4 trusted tactics

Adapt tactics according to age.

1.)  Say yes as often as possible, even when it’s not convenient.

2.)  Value your relationship with your kids and work towards building a bond, yet

3.)  realize that your job is to remain the parent and not the best friend.  

4.)  And finally, say no because it’s your job to establish boundaries.


You can raise your children to obedience!  My mama always said, “If you each your children to obey, others will thank you for it!”


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And though I will never live up to this perfect vision of the perfect do-it-all-while-looking-fabulous mother, my upbringing doesn’t diminish my knowledge and vision as a parent.  Certainly, there’s plenty I can still teach my daughter.

~ Maria from Collecting Moments, I’m not super mom and that’s ok


If you constantly find yourself feeling that you need to be a mediator between your child and other children in order “to explain what your child wants or feels”, then you might want to check your helicopter parent status. Special circumstances may apply, but in general if this is your norm then the problem might not actually lie with your child’s ability to interact with other children….

Jen from JENerally Informed, 10 Rookie parenting mistakes to avoid

Planners and notepads are some of my favorite organization tools. I’m a sucker for a great list. I’m currently using the Simplified planner, but I’m also loving reading up on bullet journals. I’ve talked about them before, and I’ve even done a version of it several years ago with my DIY planner.

~Katie from Cup of Tea, sharing Favorite organizing inspiration/organize your life

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Comments 10

  1. What a great post. I needed a parenting pep talk like this. Sometimes the days are just long 🙂 Thank you for featuring my post!

    1. Post

      Thanks, Jen! All parents need a little pep talk now and then – especially to let them know it is worth it, it does pay off, and God rewards the faithful (and consistent) parent!!!

      Happy to feature, friend!

  2. What great tips! Sometimes it is so hard to say no especially when they seem to have a will of iron but you are right we need to stick to our guns and it will pay off in the end!!! Sharing !

    1. Post
  3. Ruthie, this is great wisdom here, for parenting kids of all ages! I especially like #1. So often we say no just because. Just because we don’t want to do something. All of what you say here is SO good and practical.

    A question: when does this Tuesday linkup go live? I tend to check early and don’t see it up yet, then I forget or get too busy to check again! 🙂

    1. Post

      Link up goes live at 8:00 AM! I think that’s a bit later than most, but set your alarm for next week now so you’ll know! Maybe I should make that more clear somehow. Suggestions?

      And yes, it is so easy to get caught up in the no’s that we forget about the yes’s! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by, friend!

  4. Thank you so much for the feature this week!! What fun!

    Those tips – I’m living through those fudge sickle days right now… and it’s SO hard to not get caught up in just giving in out of sheer exhaustion. But the tip to say YES as often as possible really spoke to me. GREAT advice!

    1. Post

      Ah, I know Katie! Those days are long, hard, and sometimes lonely. Be sure to check out our MTO group – encouragement for the “blow it” moments, prayer, Scripture, mamas sharing with each other words of comfort and wisdom!

  5. Great tips! I have a toddler, so “no” is a common word around here and we are committed be being consistent in order to help her learn appropriate behaviors. I love your thoughts on saying “yes.”
    Thanks for the encouragement!

    1. Post

      Shannon, yes, toddlers are forever making us wear out the word “no”, but at that stage, it is necessary (especially for their safety)! I hope you can appropriate some of the tips here and especially the “yes’s”! Thanks for coming over and I LOVED your post on singles!

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